Saturday, October 10, 2009

A big step

Almost two weeks ago, my babysitter of two years gave me her notice. She was a wonderful caregiver to my children and treated them as family but it was time for her to find a job outside the home.

My first reaction was, "oh crap. What now?" After thinking about it for a while, I decided that they are old enough to stay home alone after school. Syd will be 12 in December and Mell is 9.

The first thing I did was give them 3x5 cards with one chore written on each. Each child has an envelope and I put three cards inside before I go to work in the morning. When they get off the bus, they are expected to do their homework and then chores. No TV or video games until it's done. For doing this, they would earn $5/week.

Both girls were very excited about this and everything went so smoothly. Their dad picks them up around 5:00 on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and has them until 8:00 but on Mondays, Thursdays and alternate Fridays, they have to wait until 6:00 for me to get home. Each day,the chores were finished and homework had been done.

The big test came on Friday when they had a full day off. I held my breath and set the ground rules; no friends in the house, do your chores, no fighting and don't call me unless someone is spurting blood. They did great! I had Syd put a chicken and baked potatoes in the oven and the smell of dinner greeted me when I walked in the door. It was wonderful.

I have high hopes that things will continue to work out. I was about Syd's age when I became a latchkey kid in a place far less safe than where we live now and did fine. I guess I found another reason to be thankful for life at the lake.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Gratitude

"Gratitude brings more to be grateful about." I just read that quote from Louise L. Hay today and found it to be very timely.

On my way to work this morning, I started thinking about a former boss. He was a wonderful mentor to me and a great leader. I have such respect and affection for him and wondered what he would think about my promotion. I composed a letter of gratitude in my head on my way to work and promised myself I'd handwrite a letter to him today. It felt so good just recalling all the ways he'd helped and supported me early in my career.

Before I got to work, I thought about one of our maintenance assistants and a job he did for me this week. He moved all my marketing materials from an upstairs closet to a downstairs one. It took most of the day and when he was finished the new closet looked fantastic. He had stacked everything so neatly and was very proud of the work he'd done.

I thought it may be nice to pick up a scratch-off lottery card for him to show my appreciation so I stopped at a local convenience store/Dunkin' Donuts. After I bought the card, I stood in line to buy a muffin. Our postman from work was ahead of me and we chatted for a while. He insisted on paying for my muffin. It was a small gesture but it made me feel good and was a lovely start to my day.

I wrote my gratitude letter as soon as I got in the office before I got too busy. A few hours later, I checked on a family member of one of our residents who has moved to a nursing home. His daughter knew of my love of 18th century samplers as I had admired her father's collection. She handed me a book on antique embroidery and told me she wanted me to have it. Again, a small gesture that made me feel wonderful.

About a half hour after that, I got back to my office just as another family member of a different resident was delivering a gorgeous bouquet of roses to me. I was stunned and so grateful! What a lovely, generous gift!

I sat there in awe of the blessings I'd received over the course of what I thought was going to be a normal Saturday at work. I started the day in a spirit of gratitude which multiplied tenfold by the end of it.

So many recommend always having an attitude of gratitude and now I know why. My heart is filled with it now.

Monday, August 3, 2009

A wedding

My eldest daughter, Lindsay will be getting married in less than three weeks. I'm very happy for her and her fiancee. They're both mature young people with good jobs and I believe they are prepared for marriage.

I went through a mini mid-life crisis when I heard the news last year. Was I ready to be someone's mother-in-law at age 44? Grandchildren can't be too far behind despite Lindsay's frequent reassurances she's not ready for parenthood.

The idea slowly sunk in and the wedding plans forged ahead. A date, a dress, a venue, the bridal party. It all came together. I found a dress that doesn't make me look like Laura Bush and today finally found shoes and jewelry.

So now the wedding is 19 days away and I'm petrified.

Our life together rolls through my head like a schmaltzy Kodak commercial. Her first cries, kindergarten, the trip we took together to New Jersey and Disney World, just the two of us....they all pass through my mind evoking bittersweet emotions with each one. I grieved when she went away to college and rejoiced when she lived with me two summers ago when she did her externship. And then grieved again when she went back to college.

I will try my best to not cry as my son walks me down the aisle to my seat at the church. I will choke back the tears when she and her husband are pronounced man and wife. And I will dance with joy at her reception knowing I have raised a beautiful, brilliant woman who has a promising life ahead of her and a good man with whom to share it.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

10 days to fill

The kids are going to the Adirondacks with their grandparents tomorrow and will be gone for 10 days. 10 days with no one to be responsible for but myself. I've contemplated how I'll spend my time. The last thing I want to do is wonder why I didn't take advantage of my alone time while I had it. I'm having negative cash flow issues (never say you're broke) so I have to be creative with my ideas.

I've come up with the following list:

  1. work on a new small cross stitch project. I have a cute pattern for an American flag I may work on using the colors in my guestroom and the embroidery floss that's stuffed in a drawer there
  2. finish reading my book on Einstein
  3. walk daily at the lake. Maybe go a little crazy and stick my feet in the water.
  4. get ahead in my schoolwork
  5. clean out my car
  6. finally watch Slumdog Millionaire. It's been sitting on top of my TV for weeks and I'd really like to get it back to the nice people at Netflix.
  7. sit in the sun and try to get a little color on this Irish skin

All these options don't cost a dime and I know I'll enjoy each of them. I always seem to be short on time and money. This week, I'll have the time even if I don't have the money.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Magic at the lake

I had a great night tonight. My neighbors, Sergio and Iris from across the hall invited me to have dinner with them. Iris had been waiting for me to come home all day and started bringing food out as soon as my car pulled into the parking lot.

Pulled pork, barbequed chicken and ribs, Spanish rice, pasta salad. You would have thought they were feeding an army! Iris' son and girlfriend from Brooklyn joined us and the evening turned into a full moon night.

Sergio pulled a speaker from his apartment and we listened to Luther Vandross and Donna Summer and drank wine under the stars. It was wonderful. Iris and I sang stupid disco songs from the 70's and Sergio brought out hot fried plantanos with cilantro and olive oil to dip them in. Usually, I have two speeds: full tilt and stop. Tonight I found another: relax.

I kept looking for a good time to say goodnight and head upstairs but every time I tried either Iris or Sergio would say, "this is how life should be" or "you could never find this kind of night in Brooklyn" and I would believe I was part of what was making the night so special for all of us and would feel compelled to stay and not take a chance of breaking the spell.

I finally said goodnight at 11:00 with a reminder from Sergio that I was invited for breakfast at 11:00 the next morning. I crept into my apartment and shut off the lights taking a last look at the backyard and watched the tiki lights being extinguished, one by one.

Who would have thought such a magical night would have happened in Whitney Point?

Friday, June 5, 2009

DAR

Last night I did a presentation for our local chapter of the DAR. This is a small group of very nice ladies who appreciate my willingness to provide them with historical information.

We had only about 8 people but the amazing thing was that four of them were descendents of Deborah Sampson, the person whose story I was telling that night. I was pleased to see them taking notes which meant I was providing them with information they didn't already have.

I'm giving serious consideration to starting a small (very small) business doing this for other organizations. The whole reason I started reenacting was to educate the public and there's only so much I can do at actual events. This will give me a fun way to get information out to interested people and make some money for our regiment.

When I told a friend about my engagement last night and my thoughts about starting the business, she told me I was crazy. Single mother working full-time, taking classes and involved in a demanding hobby. Why do I want to add more to my already full plate?

Life, to me, is to be lived. I'm happiest when I'm feeling busy and needed. I can't imagine having a dead end job and coming home every night to an empty house with nothing to do but watch television or surf the internet. Life gives you many opportunities but very little time. I choose to use it wisely.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Albany

Who knew Albany, New York could be so romantic?

Bob and I had made plans to go to Jerusalem Mill in Maryland for a reenactment but it was cancelled due to the ground being saturated. We were disappointed but decided to go ahead with our plans to get together.

We booked a room in Albany through Priceline and met there on Friday after work. We had a nice meal at Smokey Bones where I was able to satisfy my Mojito craving. If you ask Bob, he'll tell you it's more like an obsession. And don't mess with my Mojito. The only true Mojito is one made with a simple sugar solution, rum, seltzer and fresh mint. Please leave all the girly berries and other nonsense out, thankyouverymuch.

We enjoyed sleeping late on Saturday morning, a luxury neither of us indulges very often. While he was in the shower, I surfed the 'net looking for something fun to do. St. Sophia's was having their Annual Greek Festival so I mapquested it and announced our adventure to Bob as soon as he came out of the bathroom. I wasn't sure he'd like it but he was game and we were off!

We stopped for a quick bite to eat at a diner (a roll for me, french toast (of course) for him) and started driving toward the site of the festival. We were early so we scoured the area for garage sales.

Now, what I ever did to deserve a man who enjoys garage sales as much as I I'll never know. We found such treasures! Bob bought me a mink stole for $2. A good one too with heads and tails at both ends! I bought a cheap necklace for myself for fifty cents since I'd forgotten to pack jewelry. I also scored a complete set of good knives for $2.

By this time it was time to head to the church. We lucked out with a parking spot right in front, paid our $2 admission and started looking around. I finally found what I was looking for....food! Gyros, cheap wine and honey soaked fried dough. Mmmmmm!

I got adventurous and tried Metaxa for the first time. The bartender let me taste some and it was pretty good so I ordered it. A little old Greek lady standing next to me said in broken English, "Metaxa?" When I nodded she said, "You drink Metaxa, you don't drive." Yes, ma'am. It turned out to be good advice as I nursed that little cup for the rest of the afternoon.

We watched the dancers for a while and I was very impressed that there were so many young people interested in preserving their heritage. The best part for me was when a little old Greek man dressed in a suit got up to dance with his teenaged granddaughter. He had the time of his life though at times I was worried they'd have to call an ambulance. I have a soft spot for seniors.

We left the festival late in the afternoon and went looking for a WalMart. On our way, we saw the "Big Dog" in downtown Albany. This is a dog that looks just like Nipper from RCA Victor and is perched on top of a building. You can see it from the highway and we pass it all the time. Every time we're apart and pass it, we'll send a text saying, "big dog". In my best whiny voice, I told Bob I wanted a picture of it. Bless his heart, he drove right up to the building so I could get some good shots.

We finally found a KMart where we picked up chips and salsa for dinner. I think we were still full of the honey balls so the thought of going somewhere to eat wasn't very appealing. Upon arriving back at the hotel, we headed to the pool to soak in the hot tub for a while. Bob loves hot tubs but I can only take them for so long. I was happy to keep him company while he enjoyed soaking.

We spent the rest of the night eating chips and salsa and watching HBO. It was so relaxing and fun especially watching a stand-up comic. I have never heard Bob laugh so hard and it did my heart good to witness it. He's been working so hard and this break was just what he needed. It's wonderful that we're so compatible and enjoy just spending time together.

We left the hotel around noon on Sunday and went to Crossgates Mall. I treated him to lunch at Houlihan's where we watched people and talked about our future. I always hate Sundays when we've been together all weekend and Bob knows it. We save all our serious conversations for this time and I start to get quiet and sad knowing we'll be saying goodbye soon. He cheered me up by suggesting we pick out a tie for him to wear to Lindsay's wedding. Off we went to Macy's where we found the perfect tie to complement his suit and my dress.

I'm sure this post sounds boring to a lot of people but it shows how the simple things can bring so much happiness. We didn't need to spend a lot of money or go somewhere special to feel re-connected and re-charged. I know all relationships aren't like that and really feel blessed to be in one.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Mini-vacation

Today is the last day of my mini-vacation. The kids have been with their father since last Friday and come home tonight. I wonder if they missed me.

I've missed them but didn't miss the responsibility of caring for anyone but myself. I could linger over coffee in the morning instead of going on the daily hunt for Mell's socks. I did't have to break up a single tiff and I could pick up one slice of pizza for dinner instead of cooking for three after working 8+ hours. I did miss them though.

Bob and I spent Friday through Monday together and had a great time. We met at a Marriot in Rocky Hill, CT on Friday and celebrated my birthday by going to dinner at a neat little brewpub in Hartford. Great food! Bob got me a pair of pearl earrings and an iPod for my birthday. I am now not the last person on the face of the earth with an iPod! I bought him a massage from a place in North Andover. He's never had a professional massage before and desperately needs it.

We had our regiment's annual meeting on Saturday at John Koopman's house and his wife surprised us with a birthday cake. She's such a thoughtful person considering we're the ones who steal her husband away to play George Washington all summer.

After the meeting, we went to my cousin's house in Long Island for my aunt and uncle's 40th wedding anniversary party. It was a surprise party and I think I was the biggest surprise since they haven't seen me in five years. We had a blast and stayed up until 2:00 in the morning. Bob really hit it off with my family as I knew he would.

The next day was spent in recovery. We sat around all day talking and eating party leftovers. The sun had finally come out and we got to appreciate the view of Long Island Sound right outside my cousin's back window. I would love to live on the water like that. There is something so peaceful about the sound and motion.

We left around 4:00 and went straight to another Marriot in Stamford, CT. After an hour long nap, we walked across the street for a steak dinner. The rest of the night was spent relaxing and watching tv.

Bob has had a brutal schedule lately and really needed this break. We both tend to overschedule ourselves. We need to learn to schedule downtime.

Friday, April 3, 2009

The shooting in Binghamton

Today 14 people lost their lives in a shooting at the American Civic Association in Binghamton. This is a place I know well having been there for various social events. It's also around the corner from the high school from which I graduated.

We first heard the news this morning in the form of a fax from Broome County Emergency Services. No call to action was required but it did keep us glued to our computers for the day to keep up with the latest updates.

In an effort to not upset our residents, we kept the tv and radio off. While most of them knew about the shooting, there was no need to have it be a constant presence during the day.

I found out tonight that I know someone who died. She was the mother of my best friend in 5th grade, Georgia King and I ate lunch at their house every school day. During that year, she was pregnant with their last (and 7th?) child and I remember her wearing her jeans unbuttoned at the waist to allow for her expanding belly. It's so hard to think about that woman in 1975, so full of life to have met her end in this horrible way.

I spoke to her recently after a presentation I gave to her social club three years ago. She hadn't changed a bit except she seemed a lot less stressed and appeared to really be enjoying life.

I don't know what her role was at the Civic Association but I wouldn't be surprised if she was a volunteer. This was a woman who wouldn't let retirement stop her from being productive.

I won't soon forget this day. The shock of seeing Binghamton's name on the front page of CNN.com and hearing it on national news programs, the heartache I feel for Georgia and her family and the rest of the families who are grieving tonight. Most of all, I won't forget that once again I am reminded that life is short and unpredictable and to not waste it.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Back to school

I've been researching colleges lately with the goal of getting my Bachelor's in Business Administration. I have been very fortunate to have worked for many people who have stressed job experience and skills over education and have had a very successful career as a result. However, I have future goals that will require a degree.

I went to college right after high school but never finished. My heart wasn't in it at the time. Not finishing has been a regret I've always had. My advice to anyone who wants to quit: Don't do it! Stick it out! Don't use me as an example of someone who has succeeded despite a college degree. My opportunities have been very limited because of it.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The mind-body connection

I have read a lot about the mind-body connection. I don't go as far as some in believing we bring all illness and disease upon ourselves but I do know there is truth to much of it.

Lately, I've been going through a lot of difficult situations. I won't go into detail but I will say it has created stress where there once was peace and has affected every aspect of my life.

Over the past month, I have had pain in my right knee I never had before. I have had knee problems since I was a child but this was different. Shortly after the knee pain started, I began having problems with my lower back. Again, it was the first time I'd experienced this. Overall, I felt like I was falling apart and it was making me depressed.

Last night, I unloaded my troubles to a dear, patient friend who coaxed them from me. He simply listened and empathized and ended the conversation by telling me to go to bed with a good book assuring me everything would work out. I went to bed with a feeling of peace that has been missing from my life lately. When I got up this morning, the knee and back pain were gone without a trace. I felt rested and ready to face the day.

Could this be a coincidence? I highly doubt it. Is it part of the mind-body connection? I'm starting to believe in it more and more.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Facebook

I love Facebook. I am absolutely fascinated by how many people I've re-connected with. It's like having friends from high school, current friends, family and co-workers all in the same room. It's a party!

Looking at my list of friends, I'm in awe of the diversity. I think I must have the most interesting, brilliant and/or quirky friends of anyone I know. For instance,

  • my friend, Christian who can start sentences with the words, "when I was a spy".
  • my friend, Dawn who, through her status update, lets us know she's now the proud owner of a gee-haw whimmydiddle. Wiki it. It exists.
  • my seriously warped brother, Eric who updates his status every 15 minutes or so, sometimes when he's sleeping.
  • many people I consider close friends that I've never met in real life.
  • our four grown kids in Rochester, Albany and Massachusetts. There are some pictures they've posted I wish I'd never seen.
  • my stepmother in Colorado who is bed-bound from multiple sclerosis and the bravest, most optimistic person on earth.
  • my friend, Sonja who has written many books and even had one made into a movie you may have seen.
It's hard to not feel grateful for this wonderful group of people who make my life richer by their friendships.

Take care of your body

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. ~Jim Rohn

I'll be 45 next month. I've always considered myself to be strong and healthy. I'm also blessed with good genes. I manage to keep my weight under control without having to exercise or be on a strict diet.

Over the past six months, I've noticed changes. A knee starting to hurt. Pulling muscles in my back. A general feeling of weakness and deconditioning. I don't like it.

My schedule makes it very difficult to find time to exercise. Alright, I suppose I should clarify that. I had a membership to the gym. In a good month, I went once a week. I hated it with a passion. If I had the motivation, I could go to the gym after work but I'm exhausted, hungry and just want to go home. I will not keep with a program that is such an anathema to me.

When spring comes, my intention is to walk on the walking trail at the lake after work. That form of exercise is pleasant and doesn't feel like exercise. It will feel good to build up muscle, strength and stamina again. If it's not too late.

Normal days

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.
Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in my pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.
~Mary Jean Iron~

This quote really touched me. I was brought back to the days right after 9/11. I felt like I had, up until that time, taken for granted all the things that were normal in my life. I just wanted normal again.

I wondered if things would ever be as they were. I was filled with fear over another, even more devastating attack. I listened to way too much news on TV and found myself petrified over an anthrax attack.

At the time, I was a stay-at-home mom and had an 16 month old, an almost three year old, a 12 year old and a 16 year old. My days were rote and filled with driving kids to school (preschool, middle school, high school), making dinner for a large family every night and the boredom and isolation that comes with not having a job outside the home.

It wasn't until the attack that I realized how beautiful that life was. It was a life free of fear and full of promise for my future and that of my children. It had all changed in one horrible day.

At this time, we have a resident dying of Lou Gehrig's disease. She is 57 years old and we are watching her die, bit by bit, every day. How she must long for normal and does she reflect back on the days when she complained about having to get up to go to work now that she is completely paralyzed and dependent upon others for the smallest tasks.

The "rare and perfect" tomorrow may never come. I shall enjoy my normal while I am still able.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Killawog

I get my hair done at a tiny shop in a tiny town called Killawog. Killawog actually has its own post office but don't turn around in it because you may knock something off a shelf.

I go to Killawog for my cut and color not only because it's cheap ($45) but the hairdresser is excellent. The added bonus is, as I'm sitting with goop in my hair waiting to "process", I get to enjoy the ambiance.

This ambiance is usually in the form of the other patrons of the shop whose lives rival those of Jerry Springer guests. Who had a paternity test? Who was seen at the local watering hole with whose wife? What's your new tattoo? Did your brother get into the plumber's union?

What I cannot understand is that these people go on vacation more often than I have in the past five years! I'm not talking about snowmobiling or 4-wheelin' vacations either (that's every weekend, not a vacation). I'm talking about going to Cabo or on ten-day cruises. I've thought about this for a long time wondering where they get the cash to do this and have come to a couple of conclusions. Either they're putting it on a credit card or they own a meth lab. Either conclusion would work.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

First post

I recently read the blog of an old friend from high school and found it fascinating to get a peek into her everyday life over 25 years after we graduated. I thought it was time for me to start my own. I'm sure there are people who will read it and have nothing better to do than criticize me (and you know who you are) but life is too short to worry about the opinions of those bitter, old people. Okay, enough of that. :-)

 Tonight was a night that made me question why I live here. I had a nasty commute home that took twice as long as it usually does. Part of I-81 was closed due to two tractor trailer accidents and I had to slip and slide in the bumper to bumper traffic that crawled along Castle Creek Road. Thank God there was a kind soul behind me who didn't tailgate. I fishtailed my way up the hill to the lake and was so grateful to be home. I couldn't get the bottle of Cabernet uncorked fast enough and managed to grab a quick bite before Todd brought the girls home. 

 I do love living here most of the time. Sure, there's a lack of culture and I'm not real crazy about the typical Whitney Point resident but I have a great apartment with great neighbors. It also gives me a chance to save some money as the livin' is cheap here. There will come a day, very soon, that my credit card will be paid off and I will be in a good place financially. I dream about what I will do when that day comes....plan a trip to Disney for Bob, the girls and myself....buy nice living room furniture (furniture that wasn't given to me by a resident who "moved out" of Castle Gardens)....start putting money away for the girls' education, etc., etc., etc. As much as I look forward to that day, I have learned to be very happy with very little right now. Collecting material possessions is a shallow, transient pursuit that holds no appeal to me. I am so far removed from most of my peers who want the latest electronic gadget, a huge DVD library with a big screen TV or a fancy car. Okay, I confess...when I'm out of debt I may splurge on an iPod and will probably feed my book addiction but I would prefer to spend my money wisely. 

 So, for now, I take pleasure in the little things life offers my little family. I can walk to the lake to take the kids to the beach or rent a boat or even just take a walk around it on the new walking trail. I can send my kids with two one-dollar bills to the "Egg Man" across the road to get fresh brown eggs that have deep yellow, rich yolks. I can pop in on my fun neighbor downstairs to watch movies, drink rum and laugh like crazy. The village does have one fantastic diner and a restaurant with authentic Italian food. I have seen sunsets over the lake like I have never seen before. I am blooming where I am planted and fully living each day as it comes. There may come a day when I think back on this time of my life as a very fond memory. A quote I recently read said, "True affluence is not needing anything." Amen.