Photography

I was recently given a nice Canon digital camera by a man I was dating.  Things didn't work out for us but he insisted I keep the camera telling me I have the potential to be "an outstanding photographer".  Photography has always been an interest of mine and this gift has enabled me to flex my creative wings a little bit and have some fun.

I worry that my friends on Facebook will tire of my endless pictures of Whitney Point Lake but I've been encouraged by many of them that they enjoy each one and some have even printed them off.  For this reason, I will continue to post them on Facebook but will also post them here as a way to collect and comment on those I feel are among the best.

I hope they are enjoyed by others as much as I have enjoyed sharing them.

Reflections on cruising

I just returned from a week long cruise to the Bahamas.  My only traveling companions were my 12- and 14-year old daughters.  We had a blast!

I spent a lot of time alone due to the girls wanting to spend their time with new found friends which led me to some observations I recorded:

Eavesdropping on conversations between family members at neighboring tables makes me so happy to be by myself.

I never thought a Singles Mixer would mean I'd be the single attendee.

Day 3 of the cruise and I'm contemplating an obscenely early bedtime.

Taking a ship that leaves out of a New York Port means you end up with passengers who are a combination of the cast of Everybody Loves Raymond and Jersey Shore.

And on the 5th day, my liver rested.

Norwegian Cruise Lines:  Because Filipino Cruise Lines just didn't have the same ring.

If the gift shop sold 50 Shades of Grey, not only would they make a bundle of money but the attendance at the singles mixers would increase.

There is nothing quite as obnoxious as a stranger showing off his supposed knowledge of tequila.

Martinis and I are back to not being on speaking terms.

I should be flattered that my teenager steals my clothing but I'm annoyed and mostly because she looks better than I do in them.

Who knew the most fun I'd have all week would be with a married couple from Nottingham, England.

By the end of the cruise, a single cruiser tires of being asked by waitstaff, "just one?" or "are you waiting for one more member of your party?"

Not only is the mojito the greatest drink ever invented but it's also the best to drink right after you've brushed your teeth.  Minty goodness all around!

I wonder if there's a 12-step program for children who've acquired a habit of eating soft serve ice cream every ten minutes.

The smell of sausage on the grill is pushing my vegetarian convictions to their limit.

I'd like one more week, please.

Remembering

I am known for posting quotes as my status on Facebook. Sometimes one will capture me and I share it in the hopes it will capture someone else. On Monday, I shared my own inspiration:

Good friends will never expect you to be anyone but yourself. Great friends will help you remember who you are.

This came to me as an epiphany following a discussion I had with a friend. Over the past four months, this dear man has been incredibly supportive and at times will give me a much needed reality check as good friends do.

In the above mentioned discussion, I was lamenting the fact that I would never find a man who was a good fit for me. I worried that I had been alone for too long and that I'd die alone. I added the dramatic visual of the paramedics finding my decrepit body half consumed by my 15 cats and left to rot amongst stacks of unread books.

But that's not how he saw the end of my life.

He saw me spending my life the center of attention flamboyantly wearing loud colors, bright, oversize jewelry and being a complete embarrassment to my children. I added to this visual by saying I'd be bathed in patchouli, bra-less and wearing sequined flip flops. He said he will be proud to know that fun loving Chrissy.

It made me think about who I really am. Not only to myself but to others. For a long time, I was led to believe I wasn't good enough. I'm not thin enough, I'm a lousy housekeeper, I'm demanding and I don't know how to raise my children. If you hear those things often enough, you begin to believe them.

A great friend helps you remember who you are.

I am a spiritual seeker. A woman who believes in kindness and gratitude being the keys to happiness. I love to laugh but mostly I love to make others laugh because I firmly believe laughter affects the positive vibrations of the whole universe. My greatest joy is when I can help someone through a difficult time. I adore anyone over the age of 80! I pick my battles with my children. I don't mind spending the afternoon by myself reading, walking, baking.

I express myself through the colors I wear, the sounds of a great charm bracelet or earthy herbal scents. I love to get my hands in the dirt to raise vegetables and richly scented herbs to create amazing foods. I love to immerse myself in different cultures and learn about our world. I am an audacious, brazen, unabashed, shameless flirt.

I have a rich life and I may never find someone to share it with me. But if I do, he will be someone who will never ask me to be anyone but myself but will only help me to remember who I am every day.

Watch your step!

I take Willow out to the back field to "do her business" in the evenings using a flashlight to avoid the spots where she previously "did her business". Head down, each step is carefully made concentrating on the next spot I will place my foot. It's dark out in the country.

I took her out the other night with this same routine and we reached the end of the field. Something prompted me to look up for a second and what I saw was a sight to behold. My 86 year old neighbor who meticulously cares for the home he shares with his disabled wife had decorated his house and yard with lights and other holiday decorations. It was dazzling! His house is on a dead end leading to the lake and few people will even see this display yet he takes the time to cover his house with a lovely holiday glow.

I thought about this moment as a way we sometimes live our lives. We carefully plan each step so as not to make a mistake yet we miss the beauty of what is right in front of us if we don't simply stop, look up, and take in the beauty of our surroundings. So many of us are afraid of "stepping in it" and making our lives messy and the moments like this go unnoticed and unappreciated.

I said a silent thanks to my sweet neighbor for taking the time to bring beauty into our little corner of the village and for teaching me of an important lesson. Unexpected surprises await if I just look around!

Morning of March 29, 2011

There are many mornings I take Willow out for a walk in the back field and wish I had my camera with me. There is something so beautiful about the silence of the morning
and saying hello to the lake.

I send up a silent prayer of gratitude for having this beautiful scene greet me in the morning. So many wake up to a busy urban neighborhood and while I crave that environment at times,
this is what brings me peace.

Winter's end

I take Willow out tonight for her usual last visit to the yard before bedtime. It is dusk and the sun is just starting to disappear over the lake making a pink horizon and the black branches of the trees, a silhouette.

The snow has a hard crust on it which gives me the feeling of walking on the smooth surface of the moon. My boots make a crunching sound, the only sound I can hear now. I see reminders of warmer days; my neighbor's barbecue grill, the picnic table. They are reminders of good times, warm times. Iris' Puerto Rican specialties are the focus of those gatherings where I bring a bottle of wine and a lawn chair and we laugh and sing Luther Van Dross tunes after Sergio has given in to our pleas to haul the speakers out onto the lawn. This country life is new and wonderful to them and I smile at their appreciation of a starry sky and clean air. As much as I try to avoid the drama coming from their apartment across the hall, I am grateful to them for these memories.

It feels like the dead of winter tonight even though the calendar tells me spring is less than three weeks away. The air is cold and crisp and I'm amazed at how 21 degrees can be so tolerable when the air is still and free of dampness.

Willow does her business and we head back into our warm apartment still smelling of dinner and clean laundry. Soon it will smell of fresh air coming through open windows. Soon.

The light at the end of the tunnel

"A part of you has grown in me.
And so you see, it's you and me
Together forever and never apart,
Maybe in distance, but never in heart."

In a small line at the end of his status update, Bob made an announcement that will change both of our lives forever:

"I'm moving to NY to be with Chris."

Now, this plan has been in place for 5 years but one thing after another got in the way. It wasn't until both of us realized how much we meant to each other and how quickly we could lose it did anything change.

My mind has been whirring lately with the thought of welcoming this man into our everyday lives. I'm making room in my closet, my dresser is now his and I think about how every single facet of my life and my girls' lives will change. I will no longer be alone. I will no longer ache to see him, to touch him.

I think back on all the times when something has happened to him and I wasn't there to offer comfort in a way instant messages and phone calls cannot do. There's nothing worse than being spiritually there for someone yet out of arms' reach.

I will have someone to spend evenings with watching movies or in conversation over a glass of wine. To know I will have a dinner partner every night; to have someone to fill that empty chair at our table. My future will no longer be a question I ask only myself.

I'm sure there will be some logistics to work out. For now, we're in my small three-bedroom apartment with one bathroom to share between four of us. Willow will most certainly be unhappy about being displaced as my bed partner. Then there's the question of what will happen with all his "stuff". Those things will work themselves out. I'm certain of that.

I'm also certain that this will be the greatest adventure of our lives.